Link, star of the popular Nintendo "Zelda" series, wants to change his image.
"I can understand why Princess Zelda doesn't go for me," Mr. Link complained in a press release. "I look like a f**king elf. Well, okay I am a f**king elf, but why can't I be a tough looking elf?
Lara Croft looks more butch than I do!"
He is demanding that his outfit be changed to "something more akin to Kratos of God of War or even Marcus Fenix of Gears of War". "I am also planning to bulk up my features," claims Mr. Link.
"Is it too much to ask," he adds, "that I actually look like the hero of these adventures, not some g**damn Pokemon character???"