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Saturday, March 31, 2012

GameStop Now Taking Pre-orders For Games Still in Development

After setting records with pre-orders for games coming out in November, popular video game retailer GameStop announced today that they will now also be taking orders for games that are still in their development stages.

"We are very excited," a representative for GameStop said, "this gives our customers not only a chance to be the first to get the latest games, but now they can gamble their hard earned money on games which might never see the light of day..."

GameStop is now taking pre-orders for Grand Theft Auto-Untitled, Untitled Activision GameNintendo Wii U Super Mario Something, and Half-Life 3...

In related news, Apple is planning to announce iPads 4 through 20; consumers are already standing in lines at Apple stores to purchase them...

Friday, March 9, 2012

New iPad 3 Next Big Thing For At Least A Month

The recently released and much anticipated iPad 3 had consumers salivating. “I always want to be the first person to have the latest big thing,” commented Albert Dente. “I can’t wait to fire this baby up and check out all of the new features! It should keep me busy until the next big thing, or when I realize I need to get a life – whichever comes first!”
Apple says that the hype for the new iPad promises to dwarf the iPad 2, and maybe even the original iPad. “We also have high hopes that its popularity will best that of the light bulb and the printing press,” says an Apple representative. “Not to mention sliced bread. Which, by the way, is also an app featured on the iPad 3.”
“We project that people worldwide will embrace it, marvel at its new features, then quickly lose interest within at least a month,” says Al A. Carte, editor of Apple Core magazine. “It’s going to be a grand time for Apple and their customers, until the next big thing is announced.”
Apple also reported that the next iPad in development will be the iPad IV, and project that it will be another ground breaker, in that it will be the first Apple product to use a Roman numeral.
In related news, Motorola will be introducing Car Keys, a new item that consumers can shake and look at for hours…

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

"Kinect: Star Wars" Enables Player To Exact Revenge On George Lucas

The much anticipated Kinect title for the XBox 360, Kinect: Star Wars, will give players a special treat, comments a representative of Microsoft. "Not only will you be able to play the game with absolutely no controller, but a special level will allow you to hunt down and destroy George Lucas for what he did to the franchise."

The gamer is equipped with the traditional arsenal of a Jedi to defeat Lucas, including lightsabers and force powers, as well as new items such as copies of The Star Wars Holiday Special and reviews of Red Tails.

"I can't wait to be a Jedi and fight stormtroopers and bounty hunters!" said one enthusiastic gamer. "But what would really be cool? Slashing down Jar Jar!"

All playable characters will have special abilities, reports Microsoft, including Anakin Skywalker "being a whiny bitch and blaming everyone for his problems" and Padme Amidala's ability to "look great but not lend anything to gameplay".

In related news, Lego Star Wars is in production, and will be the first movie featuring inanimate objects if one doesn't count the cast of Twilight...

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Activision Announces "Battleship" Game Based On Movie Based On Game

Today Activision announced that they are launching a new video game based on the upcoming movie Battleship, which is based on the classic board game by Hasbro.  "It's a bold step," says Activision spokesman Heywood Jablome.  "This is unprecedented in the video game industry, and also pretty ridiculous."

The upcoming adaptation of the forthcoming movie based on the no longer coming game will feature classic Battleship gameplay, except for the fact that the player will be battling aliens.  "Why didn't the people who created the game come up with that idea?" says Hasbro spokesman Oldis Newagin.  "Oh yeah, because it's stupid."

Universal Pictures plans to tie their publicity campaign with the release of the video game, as well as referring to the classic for the movie.  The tagline for the posters will feature the statement "based on the classic game our target demographic has never heard of..."

In related news, Michael Bay has signed on for the big screen adaptation of Hungry Hungry Hippos...