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Saturday, March 19, 2011

GameView Exclusive - Questions for: Lara Croft

The star of the popular "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" series, Lara Croft herself, talks about her popularity and the future of the franchise...

GV: Welcome, Ms. Croft.

LC: Nice to be here.

GV: Let me just start by saying that I didn't expect you to actually wear your jungle outfit to this interview.  No complaints, though!

LC: Thank you. ....You're staring.

GV: Sorry. Moving on...what does your franchise hold for the future?

LC: I hope that it finds a new audience as well as being faithful to my long-time fans.

GV: What are your feelings on the "reboot" of your movie franchise?

LC: Where did you hear that?!?

GV: It has been widely reported.

LC: Bollocks.  I'm calling my manager after this interview.  Oh well, at least Angelina will get to play me again. Nice woman, great humanitarian.

GV: Actually, no.  It's a complete reboot, so Ms. Jolie won't be returning.

LC: What? Oh great, they'll probably cast that Kristen Stewart girl to get younger audiences.  Bloody vampire movies...

GV: Many people have complained of the inconsistency of your adventures, claiming that you do very little "tomb raiding" anymore...

LC: That was my decision.  I request a change of scenery now and then.

GV: May I ask why?

LC: Do you know how bloody hot it is in those places?  Why do you think I wear so little?  And the smell...don't get me started.  You try exploring caves and underground temples riddled with rotting corpses.

GV: Do you have any influences?

LC: Well, I'm lucky enough to have started the women's movement in this genre.  There was a lack of strong female characters in games before I arrived.  But I do continue to support the movement.  Except for that whiny bitch Samus Aran from that Hemorrhoid series...

GV: "Metroid".

LC: Whatever.  She's complete rubbish.  And God love her, Bayonetta is bonkers, but she is my "second in command" with the movement.

GV: How do you feel about your "sex appeal", particularly your popularity with male gamers?

LC: They're a bit obsessive, really.  Some of these fanboys send me some pretty disgusting requests.  And "gifts".  But all in all a nice group of blokes...

GV: What are your views on gun control?

LC: Well, they help me greatly in my job.  But why regular people buy AK-47's, Glocks, etc. is beyond me.  I don't see any gigantic spiders or vengeful mummies in their world.

GV: Thank you for your time.

LC: A pleasure.  Now get your goddamn hand off my leg...

1 comment:

  1. See, even fictional characters recognize the idiocy of assault weapons in Everyday Real Life.