Saturday, March 19, 2011
GameView Exclusive - Questions for: Lara Croft
The star of the popular "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" series, Lara Croft herself, talks about her popularity and the future of the franchise...
GV: Welcome, Ms. Croft.
LC: Nice to be here.
GV: Let me just start by saying that I didn't expect you to actually wear your jungle outfit to this interview. No complaints, though!
LC: Thank you. ....You're staring.
GV: Sorry. Moving on...what does your franchise hold for the future?
LC: I hope that it finds a new audience as well as being faithful to my long-time fans.
GV: What are your feelings on the "reboot" of your movie franchise?
LC: Where did you hear that?!?
GV: It has been widely reported.
LC: Bollocks. I'm calling my manager after this interview. Oh well, at least Angelina will get to play me again. Nice woman, great humanitarian.
GV: Actually, no. It's a complete reboot, so Ms. Jolie won't be returning.
LC: What? Oh great, they'll probably cast that Kristen Stewart girl to get younger audiences. Bloody vampire movies...
GV: Many people have complained of the inconsistency of your adventures, claiming that you do very little "tomb raiding" anymore...
LC: That was my decision. I request a change of scenery now and then.
GV: May I ask why?
LC: Do you know how bloody hot it is in those places? Why do you think I wear so little? And the smell...don't get me started. You try exploring caves and underground temples riddled with rotting corpses.
GV: Do you have any influences?
LC: Well, I'm lucky enough to have started the women's movement in this genre. There was a lack of strong female characters in games before I arrived. But I do continue to support the movement. Except for that whiny bitch Samus Aran from that Hemorrhoid series...
LC: Whatever. She's complete rubbish. And God love her, Bayonetta is bonkers, but she is my "second in command" with the movement.
GV: How do you feel about your "sex appeal", particularly your popularity with male gamers?
LC: They're a bit obsessive, really. Some of these fanboys send me some pretty disgusting requests. And "gifts". But all in all a nice group of blokes...
GV: What are your views on gun control?
LC: Well, they help me greatly in my job. But why regular people buy AK-47's, Glocks, etc. is beyond me. I don't see any gigantic spiders or vengeful mummies in their world.
GV: Thank you for your time.
LC: A pleasure. Now get your goddamn hand off my leg...