Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Super Mario's Princess Peach Writes Tell-All Book
The object of video game icon Mario's affections, Princess Peach, will be coming out with a new tell-all book entitled "I'm No Peach: My Galaxy, Not Mario's".
It will detail the troubled past of the video game "damsel in distress", including her little-reported love triangle with both of the Super Mario Bros.
"Mario was fine," she confides in her new book. "But I really like Italian men, and Luigi is his brother. You do the math; we had some hot fun."
She also explains that Bowser, the villain in Mario's adventures, was actually very needy. "He wasn't really bad so to speak, he just wanted someone to talk to. Many times he would vent to me about Mario thwarting his every move, how much it cost to build his devious traps, and of course his size issues. Which weren't issues, believe me..."
Ms. Peach, sorry, Princess Peach, also writes about her troubled past with other video game icons. "Duke Nukem and B.J. Blazcowicz were some of the best lovers I ever had. People do ask me about Link from time to time, but nothing happened I assure you. I always thought he was gay..."
Details about her various addictions are also revealed in the new book. "I got really juiced on stars, power-ups, and mushrooms. There's a reason why Mario picked those up constantly, people..."
Look for Princess Peach's new book next month...