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Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Knowledge Is Power: Things I Learned From Watching Horror Movies

1) When a killer is loose, it's always a good idea to sneak up on your friends.
2) Adults are idiots.
3) Local law enforcement are idiots.
4) The crazy old guy in town is always right.
5) When you get shot or stabbed, you won't go into shock.
6) Even if the killer has been electrocuted, impaled, and/or blown up, he's still alive.
7) Monsters know where circuit breakers are and how to turn them off.
8) Regardless of how dependable your vehicle is, it will not start when you are being chased by a killer.
9) If you're African American, you will die.
10) If you're the hero's best friend, you will die.
11) It was only a dream.
12) Even if the killer is human, he has superhuman strength.
13) When you hear a sound in the other room, always say hello and ask if anyone is in there.
14) Cell phones don't work anywhere.
15) The phone cord is always cut.
16) No matter how creepy the hillbilly family looks, you can trust them.
17) Don't have sex - you will die.
18) When the killer is downstairs, always run upstairs.
19) Once you've hit the killer, always check to see if he's really dead, or run away.
20) When you're sneaking through a house, a cat or bird will startle you.

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