Our resident know-it-all will now answer your gaming questions...
Q: What did you think of E3?
A: I thought it was loud.
Q: My gameplay is choppy and really slow.
A: Maybe you should play a less challenging game, then.
Q: Certain function keys don't seem to work.
A: Makes you wonder why they're called function keys, huh?
Q: How do I change my profile?
A: Turn to the left or right.
Q: I am experiencing a lot of lag.
A: Get some sleep.
Q: I cannot hear any voices.
A: Count yourself lucky.
Q: I'm getting an unrecoverable error.
A: Then you're f**ked.
Q: When I install a game, my virus scan detects a virus.
A: Isn't that what a virus scan is supposed to do?
Q: What are Vertex and Pixel?
A: Words.
Q: How do I look around in a game?
A: Move your head.
Q: How do I change from software to hardware?
A: Look at porn.
Q: My mouse is too sensitive.
A: Sounds like he needs counseling.
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I don't remember this guy's name, but I'm pretty sure I've talked to him on a Help line!
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