10 Little Known Facts About The New Wii U Controller

1.  It can be used to pan for gold.

2. The Navy SEALS used it to take out Bin Laden.

3. If Nintendo doesn't come out with any quality games, it's pretty much useless.

4. Anthony Weiner should have used it to cover his bulge.

5. It's a poor man's iPad.

6. You can watch internet porn on the touch screen, but your parents will think you're playing Super Mario.

7. It can be used as a really freakin' expensive Etch A Sketch.

8. Upgrades will be surgically implanted to your hand, as the controller will graft itself to you upon first use.

9. It will not be a leading cause of carpal tunnel syndrome when released, but give it time.

10. It's Heart Smart.