"Halo 4" Announced As First of New Trilogy, Gamers Excited But Confused

Halo 4 was announced recently at E3 as the first in a new trilogy, but gamers are equally excited and confused.

"How can the the first game in a trilogy be called the fourth one?" writes gamer MasterChef.  "Wait, wasn't Halo: Reach the fourth one?  Oh f**k it, I'm buying it anyway..."

Also, Grand Theft Auto IV has been changed to VI, a Rockstar representative announced today.  "We apologize for the confusion," he explained. "We realize there was a GTA 1, 2, 3, Vice City, and San Andreas.  That makes the previously released GTA IV actually GTA VI.  Honestly our heads hurt after realizing the error..."

In related news, Final Fantasy XVIII is in development. Or is it XVI?  Now my head hurts...

Selected Items From The Newsosphere

Anthony Weiner confesses to lewd photo, says "I was doing a dumb thing repeatedly & lying about it, which is usually what Republicans do..."

Palin supporters try to create revised version of Paul Revere's midnight ride on Wikipedia. The problem is, they're doing it on Wikipedia.

Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum join presidential run, Carrot Top also announces bid, finds swell of support...

Fox News shows Tina Fey in on-screen graphic for Sarah Palin, voters nationwide say they would prefer to elect Tina Fey...

Paris Hilton defends her new reality show failure, claiming "just being myself has been the hardest job of my life..." 

CPAC Conference To Be Held at E3 2011 to Garner Youth Votes

This year's Electronic Entertainment Expo, commonly known as E3, will feature some special guests.  Mitt Romney, Tim Pawlenty, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Michele Bachmann, and other 2012 Republican candidates will be speaking at CPAC's new venue, a trade show booth at E3.

New CPAC organizer Paul Ryan explains the bold move.  "We want to encourage gamers to get involved in the world around them, but more importantly we want to return credibility to the Republican Party.  We're making way for the youth of today, because we're getting rid of the old..."   


Curiously, E3 was discovered to be one of the scheduled stops for Sarah Palin's bus tour.  But Ms. Palin still dismissed any desire to run. "I'm not here to campaign, oh no, gotta look at those, you know, video games and such.  Big fan of that little Italian plumber guy!" She then added, "See you in 2012!"

Special Report: History As Told By Sarah Palin

 We have exclusive excerpts from Sarah Palin's upcoming book, "History As I Remember It"...




"Moses came down from Mount Cyanide, delivered those commandments, parted his red hair or some such..."

"The Italian Renaissance Festival, ya know, they just dressed up as knights and winches, but they had great turkey legs!"

"The Russians bombed Pearl Harbor - my grandparents could see them planning it from Alaska!"


"The Boston Tea Party wrote the Magna Cum Laude, establishing that there prostitutional law..."

"Oh, a buncha guys, ya know, they signed that Declaration of Codependence there, granting equal rights to slaves..."

"Paul Revere and the Raiders rode the British, ya know, right outta Gettysburg!  Of course, the British had the address wrong..."

"My ancestors created the right to bear arms so I could, ya know, shoot lots of animals..."

"John McCain, bless 'em, couldn't stop the Civil War, but gave 'em a run for their money!"

"Fox News has been around for at least two hundred years!  They just weren't on television before it was invented..."

"That First Amendment says there's a clear line between freedom and speech, so I guess that explains the lamestream media..."

"John Wayne was a true American war hero..."

"The American Indians invented curry and all that, ya know, spicy stuff..."

"Cavemen and dinosaurs lived at the same time of course!  If they didn't, then the Flintstones wouldn't be accurate!" 

Selected Items From The Newsosphere

 

Sarah Palin's bus tour revealed to be publicity stunt by, well, Sarah Palin...

Consumer Reports gives best rating to bird in the hand; two in the bush still second best...


Facebook party in Hamburg spins out of control; police official claims that "this is much worse than the Republican party!"

This just in - Horse dies of dehydration; owner explains that "I led him to water but he just wouldn't drink!"

Apple introduces iCloud, says that new service will change weather; Eric Cantor insists on offsetting budget cuts to pay for service. 

LucasArts Bites Bullet, Decides To Start Making Quality Video Games

LucasArts boss and Dark Lord of the Sith Paul Meegan announced today that the video game company has decided to "go for broke and deliver some actual quality titles."

"We want to start creating games that are immersive, high-quality and playable," Mr. Meegan explains, "which until now were just words we used...”

After the failure of such titles such as "The Force Unleashed", "The Force Unleashed II", "Unleashing The Force", "Yoda: Unleash The Force You Must", and "Fracture", the game company founded by George Lucas hopes to develop titles that will not be showing up in the half-price bin at GameStop shortly after their releases.

Expect some very impressive Star Wars titles, no more rehashes of LucasArts classics, and the most controversial project - a good Indiana Jones game...

In related news, after the success of their franchise, George Lucas has tapped LEGO to develop the next several movies in the Star Wars series...

Playstation Network Maintenance Postponed Indefinitely Until Friday

After the record outage earlier last month, Sony announced today that the additional maintenance for the Playstation Network has been postponed indefinitely, at least until the end of the week.

A Sony representative explains the plan. "After the problems experienced by gamers after the unfortunate outage, it is our goal to perform additional maintenance in addition to the maintenance done after the network was maintained.  I want to also add that we are looking at postponing and/or announcing that the service will be up by the end of the week, barring unforeseen circumstances that would postpone the service.  I really don't think I can explain it more clearly..."

In totally unrelated news, Bioshock Infinite has been pushed until sometime in the near future...