New iPad 3 Next Big Thing For At Least A Month

The recently released and much anticipated iPad 3 had consumers salivating. “I always want to be the first person to have the latest big thing,” commented Albert Dente. “I can’t wait to fire this baby up and check out all of the new features! It should keep me busy until the next big thing, or when I realize I need to get a life – whichever comes first!”

Apple says that the hype for the new iPad promises to dwarf the iPad 2, and maybe even the original iPad. “We also have high hopes that its popularity will best that of the light bulb and the printing press,” says an Apple representative. “Not to mention sliced bread. Which, by the way, is also an app featured on the iPad 3.”

“We project that people worldwide will embrace it, marvel at its new features, then quickly lose interest within at least a month,” says Al A. Carte, editor of Apple Core magazine. “It’s going to be a grand time for Apple and their customers, until the next big thing is announced.”

Apple also reported that the next iPad in development will be the iPad IV, and project that it will be another ground breaker, in that it will be the first Apple product to use a Roman numeral.

In related news, Motorola will be introducing Car Keys, a new item that consumers can shake and look at for hours…

"Kinect: Star Wars" Enables Player To Exact Revenge On George Lucas

The much anticipated Kinect title for the XBox 360, Kinect: Star Wars, will give players a special treat, comments a representative of Microsoft. "Not only will you be able to play the game with absolutely no controller, but a special level will allow you to hunt down and destroy George Lucas for what he did to the franchise."

The gamer is equipped with the traditional arsenal of a Jedi to defeat Lucas, including lightsabers and force powers, as well as new items such as copies of The Star Wars Holiday Special and reviews of Red Tails.

"I can't wait to be a Jedi and fight stormtroopers and bounty hunters!" said one enthusiastic gamer. "But what would really be cool? Slashing down Jar Jar!"

All playable characters will have special abilities, reports Microsoft, including Anakin Skywalker "being a whiny bitch and blaming everyone for his problems" and Padme Amidala's ability to "look great but not lend anything to gameplay".

In related news, Lego Star Wars is in production, and will be the first movie featuring inanimate objects if one doesn't count the cast of Twilight...

Activision Announces "Battleship" Game Based On Movie Based On Game

Today Activision announced that they are launching a new video game based on the upcoming movie Battleship, which is based on the classic board game by Hasbro.  "It's a bold step," says Activision spokesman Heywood Jablome.  "This is unprecedented in the video game industry, and also pretty ridiculous."


The upcoming adaptation of the forthcoming movie based on the no longer coming game will feature classic Battleship gameplay, except for the fact that the player will be battling aliens.  "Why didn't the people who created the game come up with that idea?" says Hasbro spokesman Oldis Newagin.  "Oh yeah, because it's stupid."


Universal Pictures plans to tie their publicity campaign with the release of the video game, as well as referring to the classic for the movie.  The tagline for the posters will feature the statement "based on the classic game our target demographic has never heard of..."


In related news, Michael Bay has signed on for the big screen adaptation of Hungry Hungry Hippos... 

Fake Gaming News Blog Celebrates One Year Anniversary

Several personalities offered their congratulations on the one year anniversary of the fake gaming news blog GameView Fake Gaming News Print To Fit.  That is, after they figured out what it was.

"I was very excited and happy on this momentous occasion once I looked up what the hell GameView was," commented humorist Andy Borowitz.  "Of all of the fake gaming news blogs out there, this is certainly the only one," said President Barack Obama.  

However, some offered curious kudos.  John McCain asked, "what's a blog?", while former GOP nominee Michele Bachmann said, "I'm running for president."  Celebrity Kim Kardashian offered these words - "anything that was printed about me was untrue, except for everything I said..."

The gaming industry expressed their congratulations by planning to "firebomb" the writer's house, as revenge for him "ripping us a new one".  "All of the critiques of us on this blog will be put to rest once we begin making non-buggy, quality games and game controllers, starting in 2014."

The writer celebrated by writing a supposedly real article about people whom he would never actually meet in real life congratulating him.  Afterward, he treated himself to a tub of Haagen Dazs Chocolate Chocolate Chip and his favorite internet porn...   

ATTENTION!

GAMEVIEW will be going on a hiatus for awhile.  As any of you gamers know, much like movies, there's nothing noteworthy going on with video games during January and February.

But GAMEVIEW will return with all new articles and various stuff!
Well of course they will be all new.  Duh.

Check out the Archive for articles you may have missed, or wish to revisit and share with your friends!
And as always...
THANKS FOR PLAYING!

Battle Begins For Next Generation Consoles Not Developed Yet

Upcoming consoles are already garnering massive popularity among the gaming industry. Microsoft's Xbox 720 and Playstation 4 are the clear front runners, with Nintendo's next effort, the Wii U, still generating skepticism. "It's not that the controller for the Wii U seems to be a bulky, tablet like thing that looks like a headache to use," explains a writer for GamePro. Oh wait, yeah it is."

Though the specs for both the 720 and PS4 have yet to be revealed, it has been reported that Sony will have the most powerful machine on the market, but, Sony says, "only after the gamer installs about twenty updates." The 720, however, will not require any updates, a source at Microsoft reported. But he also said that there will be no Kinect support for the new console because "Kinect sucks".

Several leading game companies are caught up in the anticipation of the next generation consoles. "We are looking forward to developing games for the new consoles, and of course, giving gamers a chance to play the best and most innovative titles to be offered. We are also looking forward to hyping the hell out of the least impressive ones!"

2012 looks to be a stellar year for the video gamer, with new and innovative consoles and games. And with them, countless updates and bugs.

THE GAMEVIEW 2011 AWARDS FOR VIDEO GAME EXELLENCE

Only Reason To Still Own Nintendo Wii... 
LEGEND OF ZELDA: SKYWARD SWORD

Biggest Failure for Consoles...
MICROSOFT KINECT
PLAYSTATION MOVE

Most Hyped and Least Impressive
NINTENDO 3DS

The "Give It Up Already!" Award...
DUKE NUKEM FOREVER
CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE 3
F.E.A.R. 3
METROID: OTHER "M"
RED FACTION: ARMAGEDDON
ALICE: MADNESS RETURNS

Worst Use of Roman Numerals...
FINAL FANTASY XIV

Whiniest Bitch Award...
SAMUS - METROID: OTHER "M"

Best Game Released With Most Bugs...
THE ELDER SCROLLS V: SKYRIM

Games Which Had Worst Use of Movie License...
ALL OF THEM

The "Huh? Oh Yeah! Forgot About Them!" Award...
LITTLE BIG PLANET 2
DEAD SPACE 2
BULLETSTORM

Silliest Game Title...
THE DISHWASHER: VAMPIRE SMILE

Biggest Time Sucker...
ANGRY BIRDS