Wednesday, December 28, 2011
"Next Gen" Games To Be Mobile Exclusives, Promote Eye Strain
Several game studios announced today that, because of the overwhelming success of games on iPhone and iPad, all next generation games will be developed exclusively for the mobile platforms. "When you look at sales, clearly console games have heard their death knell - Death Knell also soon to be a mobile game - the future is smaller," says a noted game sales analyst.
"As people's attention spans get smaller and smaller, we feel that so should the way they see games. After all, size no longer matters. The bigger you are no longer delivers the goods, and even suggests that you may be compensating for something, so don't get cocky," explains Activision CEO Jack Napier.
Gamers can expect the next titles in successful franchises such as Call of Duty for iPhones, iPads, and the new Playstation Vita. If successful, the campaign by leading game companies will further promote eyestrain, and with any luck, carpal tunnel syndrome. Skeptics suggest that this trend may not be healthy for the average person, but several have pointed out that "healthy" is no longer in vogue.
"In fact," adds Mr. Napier, "when you think about it, the only 'healthy' is in the magazine Vogue, and it's mostly photoshopped."
In related news, many new games will feature even smaller in-game text to ensure that gamers will have no f**king clue as to what they're doing...