A Twitter Home Companion

You've joined Twitter, and now you want to experience the magic.

Twitter - a place where you can share your thoughts and talk to your favorite celebrities. Of course they still ignore you, but it's safer than crashing their parties...

But how do you know how to get the most out of your new venture?

Here's some easy to follow tips. Bear with me, because ever since I joined Twitter, my thoughts are only 140 characters or less...

1) Don't talk about your daily routine.
No one cares what you thought of your breakfast, or how your date went last night. Unless of course, you are a celebrity. Then your Followers will cling to your every word.

2) Keep it short, abbreviation is a must.
Mk thngs brf, kp ur twts shrt: you only have 140 characters - make them count.

3) Retweeting can be fun.
If you like something that was said, forward it to your Followers. Except anything by Charlie Sheen - he's just plain bonkers.

4) Follow your favorite celebrities, but at a distance.
You don't want to raise suspicions.
(sorry, that was from my Tips for Stalkers)

5) Tweet often.
You want to keep your Followers, don't you? Besides, what else do you have to do?

I hope this guide has helped you, and will make your Twitter experience that much more enjoyable. I welcome any comments you have, but please don't follow me, because it creeps me out.