List of Day One Fixes For "Dead Island"

Upon release of the new zombie RPG game "Dead Island", Techland has provided a huge Day One patch that will fix 37 issues.

Here's a portion of the list of fixes:

1) Zombies have been added to the game.

2) Kinect and Playstation Move support has been ridiculed.

3) You can no longer jump 200 feet over the island.

4) The assorted knives and machetes do not squeak.

5) Songs by Barry Manilow and Paul Anka have been removed from the soundtrack.

6) Fixed a bug where you can leave the island and play a better game.

7) More than one player can use a ladder at one time, because it's nice to share.

8) Health supply boxes no longer require Sudoku puzzles to unlock.

9) Bullets no longer shout profanity.

10) Zombies now perform Michael Jackson's "Thriller" when in groups.

11) Women are treated better.

12. Zombies will now eat flesh, not "fish".

13. Blood will come in four fruity flavors.

14. Justin Bieber zombie will be 500 points.

15. Game instability has been fixed, but the same cannot be said for gamers.

16. Achievement "kill zombie with your index finger" has been removed.

17. Mission "We're All F**ked" isn't f**king impossible to complete.

18. References to classic series "Hogan's Heroes" have been removed.

19. The pizza is now deep dish.

20. Survivors no longer wet themselves.