Special Report: History As Told By Sarah Palin

 We have exclusive excerpts from Sarah Palin's upcoming book, "History As I Remember It"...




"Moses came down from Mount Cyanide, delivered those commandments, parted his red hair or some such..."

"The Italian Renaissance Festival, ya know, they just dressed up as knights and winches, but they had great turkey legs!"

"The Russians bombed Pearl Harbor - my grandparents could see them planning it from Alaska!"


"The Boston Tea Party wrote the Magna Cum Laude, establishing that there prostitutional law..."

"Oh, a buncha guys, ya know, they signed that Declaration of Codependence there, granting equal rights to slaves..."

"Paul Revere and the Raiders rode the British, ya know, right outta Gettysburg!  Of course, the British had the address wrong..."

"My ancestors created the right to bear arms so I could, ya know, shoot lots of animals..."

"John McCain, bless 'em, couldn't stop the Civil War, but gave 'em a run for their money!"

"Fox News has been around for at least two hundred years!  They just weren't on television before it was invented..."

"That First Amendment says there's a clear line between freedom and speech, so I guess that explains the lamestream media..."

"John Wayne was a true American war hero..."

"The American Indians invented curry and all that, ya know, spicy stuff..."

"Cavemen and dinosaurs lived at the same time of course!  If they didn't, then the Flintstones wouldn't be accurate!"