Twenty Years Ago…

blog: rare skin condition – as in how’s that blog healing?

facebook: not as popular as “facepalm” but much more painful…

tweet: what birds do.

twitter: see tweet

laptop: somebody’s lap

Friend: just a noun

Circle me: walk around a person

bookmark: saves your place in actual book

feed: something you give livestock

hashtag: just say no

Spotify: a glass cleaner

Hangout: local dive

smart phone: opposite of a dumb phone

tag: you’re it!

troll: that thing under the bridge

newsreader: Tom Brokaw

Amazon: a rainforest

Follower: cult member

Plus: term used in math

TECH REPORT: Sony’s “Bullshit Detector” May Be Scrapped in Final Phase

SILICON VALLEY - Today Sony announced that is likely that they would not be releasing one of the most anticipated items of this year, the Fallacy Finder, or "Bullshit Detector".

"We are never one to turn a blind eye to innovation," said Sony CEO Ken Itwerk, "but we may have pushed the envelope on this product, and in this case the envelope pushed back."

Details are coming out about the cancelled product. During early test phases, the "bullshit detector" showed incredible results in detecting bullshit. But in the final phase, a common occurrence sealed the fate of the item.

"We were just about to start the final phase," one technician explained, "when my partner turned on the television in our lab. But what he didn't know was that he had inadvertently exposed the detector to overwhelming masses of bullshit. The detector overheated, and eventually burnt itself out!"

He added, "I don't think that people realize just how much bullshit they are exposed to on a daily basis, and that's not just the ones who watch Fox News."

However, all may not be lost. Sony is also planning a safety restriction guideline for consumers, in hopes that they might be able to finish work on the "bullshit detector" and release it in the Fall. "We feel that this is a minor setback, and if people could just restrict their use of the detector to certain detector-friendly environments, we are confident that this could be the must-have product of 2012."

Sony has listed many things that could cause a possible overload, including 24-hour news networks, reality shows, political debates, and most advertising.

In related news, the Cliche Alert app for the iPhone 5 is a stone's throw away from being released, but insiders say unless they keep the wolf away from the door, it will be available when the cows come home...

Sony Vows To Release PS4 Before Xbox 720, Considers Time Travel

Today Sony Computer Entertainment announced that it is essential that they release the upcoming Playstation 4 console before Microsoft's next console, the Xbox 720, in order to stay competitive in the gaming market. Among the strategies they are considering is the use of time travel.

"It's not unheard of," says a Sony representative. "It is widely known, or suspected greatly, that most of the Republican candidates have used this technology to aid their campaign. Their outdated attitudes and views of history prove that."

If the time travel idea is approved, plans are to return to 2011, complete production, then release the console as early as next week. "Of course, once consumers purchase the console, they will have to download all of the updates that we created in 2011, to bring it up to today's standards," one insider disclosed. Other sources say that the number of updates could be upwards of 28 or so.

Sony admits that they still haven't quite figured out all of the possible problems associated with their time travel scenario, but assures people that "our best technicians and programmers have studied the movie Back to the Future to cover all possibilities".

"And," the Sony representative added, "the 'flux capacitor' not only works, but may be a key component to our as yet announced smart phone."

In related news, sales for the Call of Duty series of games are beginning to slow, as gamers are finally realizing they're all pretty much the same game.

Creators of Instagram Introduce Rotary Phone App for Smart Phones

After their historic billion dollar sale to Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg, the creators of the smart phone app Instagram are not resting on their laurels. “Not only do we have a new product in mind, but we also have no idea what laurels are.”

The innovators of the popular app Instagram, which allows users to alter photos taken on their phones to look like vintage photographs, will be rolling out the new RetroRotary app, which simulates a rotary phone. “Users are forced to dial people’s phone numbers by putting their finger on the dial and spinning it to the selected numbers to make a call. It’s an innovation whose time has come, just like an app that makes your photos look like crappy amateur images.”

Polaroid has also expressed interest in working with iPhone and Android on a concept that they feel “is the next logical step.” A special feature for the next series of smart phones will be the ability to take Polaroid pictures right from the phone. “We have the technology to print out Polaroid quality pictures that develop straight from the phone. Now we just need a bunch of poor bastards to think it’s a good idea…”

In somewhat related news, studies show 30% of internet traffic is pornography, while 70% is attributed to bitching about it…